speculum13

Damn, three hours outside Madonna’s house and it turns out she is in LA doing a cover of that Katy Perry song. It goes: “I got divorced and I like it, got rid of that English twat prick.”

Now, Guy Ritchie is not such a bad bloke on a one to one level, but why does he make films about cockney gangsters when he went to Eton? Surely the next Guy Ritchie film should be about a boy born with a silver spoon in his mouth who gets bummed by older posh kids, until he’s old enough to start bumming younger posh kids. It's called fagging and is one of those upper-class traditions people don’t really talk about too much. I heard a rumour he liked receiving rather than giving but each to their own.

Maybe that’s why he’s obsessed with the working classes, as they are generally only fucked by posh people on a metaphorical level rather than the balls deep private school action he is probably used to. But who knows, it was just a rumour.

If only Mr Ritchie had realised that he wasn’t just marrying one person but three - her private person, her public persona and her ego. Which is apparently as big as her bush when she did those artistic black and white nudes when she was young and needed the money, needed a fucking wax more like.

I know a lot of you are now thinking it's not nice to follow people round and speculate on the sexuality and the end of their marriage. But these people are celebs and would not be able to survive without the exposure my kind of work gives them, they need me a lot more than I need them.